Long ago learnt life lesson

"If there is something I really want, I try my hardest to get it. I do not give up until I either succeed or fail. Then, no matter what the outcome, there is no room for second doubting."

I made that decision in September 2002. It was a dark rainy night and I was crying my eyes off. I was cycling home from the ice rink, for the last time. My coaches had just told me that despite the good progress I had made during the past summer, I was not skilled enough to keep up with the rest of the team. I had been given two choices: to be an alternate or quit. I had chosen the later one.

I started skating at the age of 12, which is undeniably late to become any good at it. But from the very first practice on I loved it! There were no sufficient training facilities or coaching available in my little town, but I compensated it with enthusiasm. Many mornings before school I went to the ice rink to practice on my own. I was a huge fan of this junior synchronized team three hours drive from my town. I kept watching videos of their programs, thinking that my life would be perfect if I skated with them.

USA exchange student in 1999

I had a friend on that team and she encouraged me to ask for a try-out skate. I still remember that evening 15 years ago like it had been just yesterday. What a feeling it was being on the ice with those girls and joining them on some circles and blocks! At the end of the session the coach said I sure lacked technique and style, but I seemed talented enough to get a change. So I moved into the city; enrolled into a new high school and rented a room at this orderly lady's house.

At first everything went well. We were getting new programs and sharing spots to skate in them. I looked up to the other girls and was happy when they treated me nicely. But soon competition spots were announced and I was an alternate on both programs. At practices it was lonely and boring to always skate alone outside of the programs, and little by little I began losing my motivation. I got no attention from the coach, and a majority of the girls formed cool cliques leaving me and a few others outside.

I showed up at every practice but basically did nothing to train. I did not believe I could become as good as the other girls to earn a competition spot. I despised myself for being so pathetic and unsocial, but once I had fallen into the pattern of not trying I could not pull myself out of it. The season went by and I traveled to all competitions just to stand on the boards and watch the others to skate. I had never been as unhappy.

Nationals in 2002

At the beginning of the next season the team got new coaches and some quitted skaters got replaced by new ones. Somehow I stayed along, and similarly to the previous year I got to skate in the new programs as they were coreographed. It was a fresh beginning for me; I trained hard at all times and talked with the other girls. I felt like I finally belonged to the team and I enjoyed every moment of it. I even got to perform at a local hockey game!

When the season's first competition got closer, it was again time to announce competitors and alternates. Then I was told I could not make it; no matter how hard I would practice, the skill gap between me and the others would still remain too big. Swallowing tears I said goodbye to the team, them telling "It was a pleasure to see you train with such a great attitude change and improve so much. What a shame it was not enough in the end."

I failed reaching the biggest dream of my by-then lived life. I still cannot say whether I would have succeeded if from the beginning on I would have believed in myself to try my best. Now I think I would have improved enough to compete during the second season if I had trained properly during the first season. I will always keep doubting that one, but nevertheless I learned my most important life lesson.

Since that incident I have always fought full-on for what I want most (even though at times I do not really know what it is). Sometimes I have made mistakes, sometimes I have lost it all and sometimes I have gotten exactly what I wanted. Determination is one of the characters I nurture most and I aim to keep it up!

Successful come-back at junior B level in 2005!

Friendly bolting in Frankenjura - does it exist?

Somehow I had managed to commit myself to a two-week climbing holiday in Frankenjura. Do not ask me why. Being quite a fearful lead climber, Frankenjura's reputation of scary bolting should have turned me down. Indeed I had my doubts. So as the trip drew closer, I began furiously asking around for recommendations. All I got was discouraging comments, such as "Get more bold" or "Just top rope".

I <3 big bolt

I arrived in Köningstein, an idyllic Bavarian village where we rented a cosy apartment, with uncharasterictic attitude to just enjoy outdoors without stressing about climbing hard. (I love climbing hard; onsighting right at my skill level or red-pointing well rehearsed routes. That is when I am fully focused and motivated to succeed.) During the first week it rained, every single day. Sometimes we arrived at a crag just to find out it was wet, and sometimes it began raining right when we had tied up to go.

I must admit Frankenjura is not an easy destination for low grades. Most crags are small and they are scattered around, so throughout research is needed in order to find pleasant ones. We spent hours studying the guidebooks (Franken1 & Franken2, which also tell about each sector's bolting) and visited numerous crags to examine them ourselves. With this pragmatic approach we found nice sectors for the 5C-6C grades. I have listed my favorites below.

Even crags with bolting classified as "good" are far from perfect. Bringing a clip stick is a must, since first bolts are usually situated very high above bouldery starts. In general, crux parts are frequently bolted while easier parts can have longer bolt distances. Luckily route setters have been smart to place bolts where you most need them. Our experience proved that it is better to climb short routes, which more often are clean sustained lines, rather than long routes often having awkward crossings and weird topouts.

Over-bolted route!

We left many routes unclimbed because of poor bolting, but still we found equally many safe routes. We had great times getting pumped on overhang pocketed walls, where every move is all-on climbing! I ended up psyching myself to cleanly finish routes, swearingly pushing through powerful moves and taking falls on too difficult parts. With my perfectionist character it is a lot to say that I am satisfied with my efforts in Frankenjura.

It's easy to smile with a strong belayer :P

To conclude, would I recommend Frankenjura to the low grade climber? Yes, with some patience to search and willingness to conquer fear, it is a lovely destination. Not only peaceful forests and lush farmlands, but also bakeries with tasty cakes and of course cheap local beers make it worthwhile to visit. And the sun shone during the second week.

Sectors (in order of visit, not preference) & my top 3 routes:
- Zimmerbergwände
- Hartensteiner Wand
- Hetzendorfer Wand
- Weissenstein
- Schöne Aussicht
- Roter Fels (*Fur Conny 7)
- Stadeltenne (*Alltag in Franken 7+/8-)
- Elfenwelt
- Johnny Cash Wand
- Leupoldsteiner Wand
- Freudenhaus (*Emanuelle 7)

[Note on June 2018. I climb in Franken almost every month now, so I just keep adding to the list of good crags...]
- Marientaler Wand
- Weidener Wand (*Weisser Streifen)
- Grossenoher Wand (*Prost Paul)

Express friendships

I get whiny when I am even a little bit sick. Fever and headache are already a misery themselves, but my worst problem is boredom. When I feel physically weak I also get somehow lonely.

Building deep friendships takes time, even several years. When I lived in Finland, even though I spent some odd months abroad, I had fixed sets of friends from school, work and hobbies. I met the same people regularly and we knew almost everything about each other's lives. Because I wanted to focus on these few good friendships, I seldom had time to meet new people.

However, since I started traveling I have made dozens of portable friends all over the world. My phone is filled with catch-up conversations, and I have local guides wherever I choose to travel. These friendships are intensively built through shared experiences during relatively short time periods. They often share same world views and attitudes.

As time goes by, I stay less and less in touch with my Finnish friends. It is fun messaging with my world friends but they are not here, either. I realize that everyone has some closer friend than me - I am not very important to anyone. When I miss someone hundreds of miles away, I must remind myself that s/he means more to me than I mean to her/him.

I am living a trade off, just like many other expats and travelers. One may say that there are the normal nationalities, and then there is the traveling society. It consists of people from all over world, who are just passing by for a few weeks, months or years. Those people are full of stories and up for a quick drink just to chat with someone interesting. They instantly give much of themselves but do not get attached. I am becoming one of them.

This lifestyle is attracting and makes me feel like I am never getting stuck. Like this guy, with whom I just spent five days at a climbing camp and will most likely never see again, said that we are going through express friendships. I must admit that alongside this ever changing social scheme I miss having a few long term friends who stay with me. Could I have the best of both sides?

Happily in the middle of my oldest and newest climbing friends...

...I trust my life in their hands as they belay me...

...to see amazing places like Geyikbayir.

All positive at work

Hot midday sun is shining directly at us when we get out of the car. Our driver has taken us - me, my Costa Rican colleague and our Scottish consultant - to a rural farm in Nicaragua. We are visiting one of our beneficiaries, a man who got a biodigester through a joint program managed by my organization, another development organization and a dozen of local companies, assisted by a consulting firm, verified by a standard association and funded by a couple of governments. Rule number one about international development is that there are tons of stakeholders involved. Often my work is simply shooting around emails to make sure everyone involved knows what is going on what they are supposed to be doing.

The man shows us around his farm; the cows whose dung is used to produce biogas, the biodigester itself, and the stove and lamp which are fueled by biogas. His family no longer cooks with open fire, saving them time of collecting firewood and money of buying LPG, as well as preventing them from inhaling harmful air particles. The man proudly tells that now, after several empty years, his precious tree is again producing many fruits, thanks to using the digester leftover slurry as fertilizer. He tells that he could chop off the tree and sell it for good money, but instead he keeps it to show biodiversity to his children. I have a smile on my face. This is the first time I am on the field seeing how our biogas programs truly help poor people in developing countries. I feel that all the excel calculations, Skype conversations and process graphs I produce at the office have true meaning in the improved lives of faraway people.

Noni fruit (I guess)

Then the man takes us to a building where he hands us delicious dark chocolate. He explains that he grows cocoa beans at a nearby field and with a few hand-used machines produces chocolate of them. Unfortunately he cannot afford to license his chocolate to distribute it to shops. We do not get to meet his wife or children, because they live in the nearest city due to the children's schooling. Instead his neighbors come over every evening to cook also their meals with the biogas stove. I am glad our work schedule allowed for this one day outside. Just like in any other job, my work trips are mostly about meeting rooms, hotels, conferences and restaurants. Those trips are intense, interesting, motivating and useful, but also very tiring. I ask my manager to go on them, and then I enjoy getting back home.

Chocolate production machine

COP21 in Paris

I really like my work. It is not about money (I get paid half less than in my previous job) but it is about important world issues, intellectual and social challenges, motivated colleagues and new innovations. The international development sector is inspirational and full of ambitious professionals, from whom a newbie like me learns something new content related each day. On the other hand, at pragmatic level I have knowledge to share. Project management, marketing, process development, budgeting and strategy work are similar at companies and NGOs. I believe that by utilizing my previous experience, quickly gaining sector expertise and efficiently networking, I can succeed if I want to. However, even more important than public recognition is the everyday joy my work brings me. For the first time ever, I like going to work in mornings. Even during a climbing trip in Spain I felt tempted to reply to work emails. That is quite something.

With colleagues at food truck festival