What a cliche - time flies! I remember well sitting on the couch in the climbing refugio in El Chorro writing down my 2020 goals (post). And now it is suddenly 5 years later. I have to admit, I currently suffer with a mid-life crisis on many frontiers and look back to those last climbing dirtbagging days with pink glasses of nostalgia. Somehow I feel that the times when I jumped into new and explored - lived! - are over for good. I achieved what I did, missed out on things not reversible anymore, and ended up where I am now to continue until I die (yes, expressed rather dramatically).
Well, let's see what I planned and where I am now regarding those goals.
#1 Settle down (in Switzerland) CHECK
By the time Covid hit, I had secured myself a good job at a company I had always wanted to work for. I rented a big, beautiful apartment in Zürich and bought my own furniture, and smoothed through the couple of years of lockdowns. Then I left Switzerland to work in Albania and Laos, and returned to another good job.
I am currently living in picturesque Luzern. What I have realized about integrating into the Swiss life is that it is integrating as being an immigrant. No matter whether I will get the citizenship in a few years, I will always be considered a welcomed foreigner. This is fine for me, as my identity is a Finn living in Switzerland anyways.
TBD: I wrote I wanted good friends. I had some before I left to work abroad, but since being back I miss close connections nearby my home. It would be lovely to spontaneously invite a good friend over for a glass of wine. As I have learned before, finding close friends cannot be forced but is often a matter of luck, so all I can do is get out where people are and hope for the best.
#2 Grow professionally (among international development) CHECK
I could not be more satisfied. No need to rewrite, as I have a separate post about this.
TBD: The international development sector is in a deep crises. I am grateful for every extra month I get to keep my job, and then it will be time to move on.
#3 Climb better (send 7Bs) NO CHECK
This is so sad. The trip where I wrote those goals ended up being my last proper climbing trip. My climbing motivation vanished alongside with Covid and never returned. I still train half-heartedly at the gym, because it is a good way to stay fit, but I no longer have any drive to try hard to reach my limits.
Looking back, where I thought I had plateaued was actually my peak. That one 7B will forever stay the only one I ever managed, luckily in addition to numerous 7As. Now I project my old warm-ups and barely get up 6As. Even if I had the physical ability to climb somewhat harder, I am too afraid to take falls outdoors. Even writing this makes me feel bitter. I have not lost only a great hobby and a reason to travel, but also a part of my identity and belonging to a global community.
TBD: In the past years I have climbed a few super easy multipitches and alpine routes. Although I still have many technical skills to learn and my head game is off, maybe easy long routes will be my future piece of cake.
#4 Learn German (Swiss German) CHECK(ish)
I have been lucky to have mostly German speaking jobs, where my progression with the language has been guaranteed. Although I must admit I have gotten rather lazy to keep improving my grammar, I keep picking up new words as I go along.
However, that applies to German. Swiss German is another story. After taking a beginners course and listening to some podcasts and TV series, I can understand around half of what is being spoken. The combination that I speak German myself (with an accent) and do not yet understand everything makes Swiss speak to me in German, which in turns makes learning Swiss German impossible.
TBD: Maybe I can convince my new best friends (see goal #1) to speak to me in Swiss German.
Now, let's get back to the midlife crisis. I was actually a bit surprised about how boring my 2020 goals were; all about finding stability and security. That is what I did indeed, set up a "serious life" in Switzerland, but I also ended up living in Albania and Laos, as well as taking the biggest risk of my life by trying to get a child as a single mother. So I cannot really say I lacked changes and challenges during the past 5 years.
I am starting the second half of the 2020 decade childless (post), without any specific passion or anything substantial to improve. I think this is what scares me. For the next 5 years I wish some motivating projects and ambition to thrive in something completely new! I want to find the courage to let go off what I have been or wanted to become, no matter how hard it is, in order to build an interesting, inspiring rest of my life.
To avoid getting stuck, I write some short new 5 year goals.
#1 Invest in and/or build something sustainable and profitable
Now I have some boring stock, that is not performing as well as I would wish. I want to get more active and secure myself better retirement funds and maybe even some passive income.
#2 Discover (or re-discover) a sport I am genuinely excited about
I would love to be psyched about training, improving and reaching goals again! No matter whether I would always remain a beginner, the key is trying hard and battling against myself.
#3 Give back to the community
Assuming I will live until around 80 (fingers crossed!), I am now halfway in my life. Until now it has been all about me and my dreams. I have received and realized so much that now it is time to start benefiting also others around me, and finally become less selfish.
#4 Get out of my comfort zone
Do anything that feels slightly troublesome (even if it involves going to sleep late), uncomfortable and random, if it also feels interesting and intriguing. Nothing new can be discovered by repeating old things.
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| The last time I dressed up and partied till 5am at a crazy DJ event. More experiences like that, please! |
