I sit by the sea, admiring its waves as they hit the rocky ground. My travels are coming to an end, and spending the last days on my own in a small surfing village feels like the right thing to do.
" There is an ebb and flow to life. People and situations wash upon the shores of our lives. The mighty pressures of the water gently sculpt and shape us. The tides of change have great purpose in our lives. When it is time, the waters recede and sometimes carry things away; even things we love. The tides, while powerful, can move in our lives so gently, if we allow. If you resist the awesome tidal forces of life you are going to hurt yourself. There are some things, people and experiences you cannot have or change. When the waters of life move upon you; do not struggle — give-in and let go. Be still and let the waters flow around you. Let the ancient precession of tides cut a beautiful shoreline in your heart. "
~ Bryant McGill
The difference between this trip and my previous ones is that I did not really want to do this one. I would have preferred to stay building my settled life in Switzerland, but unfortunately my only feasible financial option was to relocate when my work contract ended four months ago. So I did what I was already familiar with; I once again became a digital nomading dirtbag climber and headed out to cheap countries. I had nothing against exchanging the gloomy Swiss winter to warm, sunny climates, and I was psyched to climb at some of the world's best venues. But I felt resistant towards continuously changing places and people, and their seemingly purposelessness. I had worked hard to gain professional relevance, learn the language and build friendships in Zürich, in order to make it my home, and I did not want to take a break from it. Anyways, away I went, and (after a short Balkans detour) ended up in Spain and Morocco.
I felt that given all my efforts I was entitled to success (=financial security brought by an inspiring job) and I saw being on the road almost as a failure. I felt irritated when people commented on me being lucky with my travelling lifestyle. I think they only saw the upside of it, the freedom, not the loneliness and doubtfulness brought by uncertainty about near future. I was living off my savings, with no plausible plan for income generation. I tried my best to live in the moment and trust that whatever future brings along is alright, but I still did not completely accept the state of my life. I kept pushing to apply for jobs in Switzerland, with the mindset that only returning to Zürich would be a good outcome. I was fixated on the end result and not fully embracing the journey of trying and learning. Actually I was resistant towards everything not fitting to my plans and pleasings: rainy weather, short encounters with travelers, not projecting hard climbs, carrying heavy backpacks, non-focused meditation sessions... The harder I tried to get exactly what I wanted, the harder I was hitting my head on the wall.
Do not get me wrong, I was not in a crumby mood. I had a ton of fun exploring new climbing areas, partying at random street fests and tapas bars, admiring varying landscapes and trying out local cuisines. I was just a bit sleepless with over-thinking and urgent with decision making. But as the travels kept progressing, I faced valuable experiences: the second best romance of my life, strengthening relationships with visiting old friends, lessons learned through altering group dynamics, and finally, meeting new people and rediscovering the depth even short encounters can deliver. What I had feared I would most lack during traveling - having meaningful people around me - ended up being the highlight of the journey.
" I know you are working hard towards your goals, but do not force them. You get what you get. If you accept each situation as it is, your life is easier. "
~ A fellow traveler (who I knew for 4 days)
As the sun sets and surfers return from the water, I am ready to join them for a dinner and chats. Who knows what will still happen here at the beachfront before I fly to visit Switzerland in a few days time. Even though my travels are ending in the sense that I am returning to a more structured schedule, I am actually still in the same limbo of uncertainty. Apart from spending the next month studying German, I have no plans, and no idea what will happen to me. But I feel more accepting towards what I have; the flexibility of choosing between different options, the freedom to move around and the adventure of unknown. I will keep reaching towards my goals, but hopefully in a more relaxed manner - enjoying the learning, not forcing the outcome.
" There is an ebb and flow to life. People and situations wash upon the shores of our lives. The mighty pressures of the water gently sculpt and shape us. The tides of change have great purpose in our lives. When it is time, the waters recede and sometimes carry things away; even things we love. The tides, while powerful, can move in our lives so gently, if we allow. If you resist the awesome tidal forces of life you are going to hurt yourself. There are some things, people and experiences you cannot have or change. When the waters of life move upon you; do not struggle — give-in and let go. Be still and let the waters flow around you. Let the ancient precession of tides cut a beautiful shoreline in your heart. "
~ Bryant McGill
The difference between this trip and my previous ones is that I did not really want to do this one. I would have preferred to stay building my settled life in Switzerland, but unfortunately my only feasible financial option was to relocate when my work contract ended four months ago. So I did what I was already familiar with; I once again became a digital nomading dirtbag climber and headed out to cheap countries. I had nothing against exchanging the gloomy Swiss winter to warm, sunny climates, and I was psyched to climb at some of the world's best venues. But I felt resistant towards continuously changing places and people, and their seemingly purposelessness. I had worked hard to gain professional relevance, learn the language and build friendships in Zürich, in order to make it my home, and I did not want to take a break from it. Anyways, away I went, and (after a short Balkans detour) ended up in Spain and Morocco.
I felt that given all my efforts I was entitled to success (=financial security brought by an inspiring job) and I saw being on the road almost as a failure. I felt irritated when people commented on me being lucky with my travelling lifestyle. I think they only saw the upside of it, the freedom, not the loneliness and doubtfulness brought by uncertainty about near future. I was living off my savings, with no plausible plan for income generation. I tried my best to live in the moment and trust that whatever future brings along is alright, but I still did not completely accept the state of my life. I kept pushing to apply for jobs in Switzerland, with the mindset that only returning to Zürich would be a good outcome. I was fixated on the end result and not fully embracing the journey of trying and learning. Actually I was resistant towards everything not fitting to my plans and pleasings: rainy weather, short encounters with travelers, not projecting hard climbs, carrying heavy backpacks, non-focused meditation sessions... The harder I tried to get exactly what I wanted, the harder I was hitting my head on the wall.
Do not get me wrong, I was not in a crumby mood. I had a ton of fun exploring new climbing areas, partying at random street fests and tapas bars, admiring varying landscapes and trying out local cuisines. I was just a bit sleepless with over-thinking and urgent with decision making. But as the travels kept progressing, I faced valuable experiences: the second best romance of my life, strengthening relationships with visiting old friends, lessons learned through altering group dynamics, and finally, meeting new people and rediscovering the depth even short encounters can deliver. What I had feared I would most lack during traveling - having meaningful people around me - ended up being the highlight of the journey.
" I know you are working hard towards your goals, but do not force them. You get what you get. If you accept each situation as it is, your life is easier. "
~ A fellow traveler (who I knew for 4 days)
As the sun sets and surfers return from the water, I am ready to join them for a dinner and chats. Who knows what will still happen here at the beachfront before I fly to visit Switzerland in a few days time. Even though my travels are ending in the sense that I am returning to a more structured schedule, I am actually still in the same limbo of uncertainty. Apart from spending the next month studying German, I have no plans, and no idea what will happen to me. But I feel more accepting towards what I have; the flexibility of choosing between different options, the freedom to move around and the adventure of unknown. I will keep reaching towards my goals, but hopefully in a more relaxed manner - enjoying the learning, not forcing the outcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment