Final conclusions

I did not think this moment would come. I am back in Helsinki. It is a brisk, dark autumn night. I am sitting on my couch under a blanket, drinking red wine, burning candles and listening to one my of favorite bands (pic1). I feel like I have returned home, which is a good feeling. Everything here is just like I left it; my television show DVDs, the metro, running trails along the sea, sparking wine with girl friends. But one thing is not the same - me.

I have waited for this moment to be alone and reflect on my experiences. For the first time since I started this blog, I have no idea what to write. I left to Uganda to discover questions I had never asked before and to realize truths I did not know existed. I also hoped to find out what I would want to do with my life.

I returned with hundreds of memories, opinions and lessons learnt. It might take some time to process them all into somewhat logical conclusions. Right now I only have my current feelings. At times I notice I am randomly smiling by myself - I love walking on the familiar streets of my home city, I feel touched when my company's stone-faced manager says it is neat to have me back, I enjoy being surrounded by my own furniture, kitchenware and clothes in my own (well, rental) apartment.

Most of all, I feel incredibly grateful for having so many amazing friends here. With them I can have deep simulating conversations, I feel I am accepted just as I am and I laugh at our silliest jokes. It has taken years to build these friendships, and now for the first time I see their true value. Never again will I be able to claim no one cares about me, for I know they all exist no matter how far I travel.

Yet still in Uganda I met people who are like me; they seek adventures in the cost of comfortability and they are not satisfied to settle just with what they already have. Before I left I thought I was different, since after all I missed a half year's income of thousands of euros in order to just discover new things. It was eye opening to meet many people who had ended up in Uganda because of similar motives. Now I feel like it is ok to think differently from the majority, for there are people sharing my life views.

So you might ask, what now? I have no idea! For the time being I am enjoying being at home. I am learning to sleep without waking up at every sound and thinking that someone is breaking into the house, I am training to regain my climbing skills, I am scouting for a promotion at my company, I am looking forward to dressing up for sparkly Christmas parties. But I know myself - this will not be enough in the long term. Soon I will start looking for something else new.

In the first paragraph of this post I claimed I had changed. After giving it some thought, I think instead of changing I have strengthened the image of who I am. I seek continuous learning, unexpected challenges and never-ending variety. I continue keeping my eyes open for arising opportunities, where ever they will take me. What is fascinating about life is that you never know what future will bring along...

Being me in Uganda. I am hundred percent happy I decided to be myself there for half a year.

(Photos are from a girls' mystery trip to champagne tasting in France last weekend.)