Climbing: fear of falling

I started climbing around six years ago. I was way too scared to lead climb, and even indoors I literally cried above bolts. I always considered leading as "the real climbing", but due to my fear I only top-roped and felt somewhat worthless. This changed three years ago when I spent a weekend in Red River Gorge. I admired the climbers trying their hardest and taking big falls on the beautiful sandstone wall. It looked so cool that I decided to overcome my fear of falling. When I returned home I stopped top-roping at my gym and started to practice leading.

Red River Gorge

My fear of falling is caused mostly by the uncomfortableness of unknown. That is why I face it heads on: I take falls to convince myself that it is okey. Usually after a few practice falls, on a safe route and with a reliable belayer, I feel more relaxed with my climbing. Rather than thinking about falling I can focus on route reading, technique and tactics. That is what sport climbing is to me at its best - pushing the physical limit!

Fall practice in Lammi, Finland

However, in contrary to what I thought at first, taking controlled practice falls was not the complete solution. In the beginning it improved my "lead head" notably. Whenever I felt unsure about a move I jumped off, which gave me lots of falling experience. I was no longer climbing down or asking for takes, but neither I was truly pushing myself. I would half-heartedly try the crux, actually afraid that I would make it and have to climb even further from the bolt. Instead of really committing to hard routes I took falls in the name of practicing.

This summer I was at a crag with a climbing coach. He saw me confidently taking long practice falls and told that I was no longer benefiting of it. The next step would be to just focus on moving; being out of my comfort zone but trying to make it without falling. Either I would succeed, yet having beaten my fear, or take a real fall. Eventually I would start feeling less scared higher above or further sideways of my bolts.

Having an experienced belayer plays a huge part in my mental game. I am very demanding towards my belayers on the amount of rope slack, soft catch and general attentiveness. I must feel that I can safely fall at any time, unannounced and comfortable. I am extra happy if my belayer encourages me, and often having him/her, as well as other climbers, watching me makes me try my very best.

Admitting that I have only a limited about of mental reserves for each climbing day and that I need rest days completely away from the rock has made me more tolerant towards myself. I now accept that sometimes I get mentally worn out prior to getting physically tired. Especially onsighting is tiring, since one can never know for sure what is coming. Projecting is more relaxing, just working on specific sections and taking rests, and at red point attempts one knows what to do. Therefore it makes sense to alternate more and less mentally demanding climbs; by picking onsighting/red pointing, high/low grades or easy/scary bolted routes.

Projecting in Berdorf

I just spent five weeks in Kalymnos and it was so far my best climbing trip. I was still somewhat scared of falling, but I did not let myself drop sends because of the fear. I onsighted several routes right at my skill level and climbed through sections I previously would have backed off from. On my last day I tried a hard route with big tufas, long reaches and fingery pockets, really fighting to stay on the wall but fell off. I was finally climbing like I wanted to - bravely and motivatedly!

High clipping in Kalymnos