One night of deciding

I sit on the couch, drinking wine and watching Into the Wild. The epic “free-yourself-from society” movie is supposed to make me psyched about being free to travel again. I have been fired from my job five hours earlier. (The flexible Swiss employment system enables companies to hire and fire people according to changing business needs. I find it better than the stiff over-protected labor markets in the rest of the Europe, but that is yet another topic.)

Half a year ago I had moved to Zurich. Since I left Finland in 2015, it had been my goal to eventually settle down in Switzerland. I had spent only a couple of days there, but I was convinced I would love the mountain outdoors, posh lifestyle and central location of that small peculiar country. During my working years in the Netherlands I had systematically networked with Swiss organizations, and I kept sending out applications to them. After conducting two remote interviews from India, I finally landed a job in my dream country. I arrived there on a dark, cold March evening, and I still remember seeing the Zurich Flughafen sign through the airport windows and congratulating myself for making it there.

The Swiss dream - hiking at the mountains

My first months in Zurich were pretty miserable. The weather sucked, I was lonely, climbing was too hard and everything was expensive. But most of all, I could not get used to the cage life: going to work, over-planning free time and just being tied down to responsibilities. After being free to go where ever I wanted to and spending my time as I wished, I felt trapped. To prevent myself from running away before giving the real life a fair chance, I made an inner promise to stay in Switzerland for two years.

I started to speak German as much as possible, go climbing with acquaintances, buy small household appliances, cycle to work and live just a normal everyday life. Even though I never liked my job and I did not find regular climbing partners, not even mention real friends, I got used to living in Zurich. Sometimes I dreamt about my travelling times – about the constant flow of new experiences and open possibilities – but still somehow I knew I was doing the right thing by staying. I was not fully committed to building a life in Switzerland, though. I avoided purchasing anything I could not easily get rid of and I budgeted my money usage to prepare for non-working times.

My lovely home

My flatmate comes home and in a slightly drunken dramatic way I talk to him about the paradox of living between two worlds: the travelling one and the real one. (What travellers call “a real life” means having a home and a stable job in one location.) I tell him that travelling is like a drug. I know that in the end I do not want to end up growing old dirtbagging in climbing camps without lasting relationships, but yet still the urge to go travelling just for a bit longer is too strong. Having suddenly lost my job is like a screaming opportunity to be free again. My flatmate tells me I have to make a decision to either stay or travel; one cannot be happy while constantly hovering between the two worlds and their pros and cons.

This time the lyrics of Into the Wild do not have the same effect in me as they did four years ago when I first left for travels (post: The plan is no plans ) I feel like I have had enough of freedom and now I am ready to live in the society. However I will not blindly let the society to define desirable actions for me, as is normally expected of its members. Instead I will use its structures to support me in getting what I like about it, whilst keeping what I can from the flexible, exploring travel lifestyle.

The following day I buy a flight to Greece. I go there to spend some weeks to just climb, meet up with friends and enjoy the beach life. But I will return to Switzerland. I like the city of Zurich. I want to find a new job I enjoy, learn (Swiss) German and make close friends. I know it takes time and effort to build a life somewhere new, and I am willing to live through the initial struggle to get there. It feels good to know what I want next: Create myself a stable life I enjoy living without having to dream about being somewhere else.