How to avoid a disaster climbing trip

I was planning a 10 week long climbing trip. I had two options: Spain or the Balkans. Since I had already spent a lot of time in Spain, I picked the exciting Balkans. I was not only fascinated by the cool looking crags off the beaten track, but also by the history, culture and re-emergence of those Eastern European countries. I was so excited about visiting them that I acted against all common sense in my trip planning and execution.

As I am writing this, I am sitting alone in a hostel. I feel myself out of shape and lazy. I have not done any proper sport for ages and the lack of exercise endorphins is killing me. I have been on this "climbing" trip for almost two weeks. I have climbed once and that was not even in the Balkans. So what went wrong? Could we learn from this?

Tip 1: Climbing partners

I decided to head east based on one single person, who I had met at a climbers' Facebook group. I traveled three long days in buses (then I was still aiming to minimize my travel carbon footprint) to reach Banja Luka, Bosnia. I met my climbing partner there and went out of my way to help him in buying a car. During the money and registration process we waited in cold and rain, killing time by going to the movies (that cost only 2eur!), walking around the town and sitting in cafes. When we finally got the car and drove to Split, Croatia, we fell out in an argument about what to do (wanting to stay in a rainy city vs. wanting to drive for 14 hours to access a possibly dry crag).

Banja Luka

Absurdly I had planned a long trip with someone I did not know at all. We had not spoken about our expectations towards climbing, loyalty, decision making or sharing. Naturally there was lots of pressure to make the trip succeed, as we both had invested so much in it. There was no relaxed ground to get to know each other. To make matters worse, I had known it is off season in the Balkans, thus there are no other traveling climbers around to whom I could reach out to if needed. Do not do that. Or if you do, at least make sure you can relocate without unreasonable amount of time and money.

Tip 2: Weather

The trip was going to take place in November and December, which I knew were already cold and rainy months in the Balkans. I had even googled the months' average temperatures and rain levels from Croatia to Greece, and they did not look promising. So I packed my thickest down jacket and warmest sleeping bag, somehow hoping that there would be dry and sunny climbing spots, against all the odds. Despite having seeing pure weather fact, I was imagining the beautiful pictures I had seen in magazines.

Storm in Split

Reality hit us. Off season is off season for a reason. It was almost heart breaking flipping through guide books with one amazing crag after another, knowing that they would be dripping wet or at least in shivering fog. We spent hours researching weather forecasts that were inaccurate, contradicting and just simply said depressing. Please, respect suitable climbing seasons if you want to avoid frustration, zigzagging between locations and replacing real rock with gyms.

After a few sleepless nights, failed attempts to solve the conflict with my climbing partner and last weather forecast checks, I booked a flight to Spain (despite the carbon footprint). Spain is the most reliable winter climbing destination in Europe and there are many climbers' hostels where to meet partners. I feel somewhat sad and defeated, but I have learned my lesson: Be psyched and search for adventures, but stay sensible.

PS. I have redefined some meanings. Before I thought that a failed climbing trip was a trip where I climbed like shit. Now I think that a failed climbing trip is one where I do not climb at all. 

Benefits of meditation

Two years ago I wrote about my Vipassana meditation camp experience. Many people read the post about personal growth through mental and physical suffering and concluded that I do not recommend meditation. However, in the contrary, I have been meditating almost daily since the camp and gain lots of benefits from it. I even went to another meditation camp this spring. I entered the 3-day review course with a relaxed attitude, thinking that I was already an expert and expecting a peaceful time. It turned out I could not focus at all and I was only motivated about sleeping and eating, which both are very constrained at the camps. This time my inner battle was about having had false expectations, or more correctly, about having had any expectations at all. One should always face a situation, no matter how familiar, without expectations shaped by own past or others' stories.

Exchanging meditation to beer and climbing magazines in the sun

As opposed to my good meditation sessions at home, where I feel voluntary and free, at the camp I felt again the pressure of performing strict schedules. I decided to walk out a day early. I realized that for me meditation is about being kind to myself, practicing it according to my own mood, and accepting that I cannot do it perfectly. Usually I try to meditate for 10-30 min in the morning before I get out of bed, which is a good start to the day. At the beginning of a meditation session I often have a million thoughts in my head and I tend to follow them, or I feel emotions - stress, sadness, excitement - in a profound way. As I keep focusing on my breathing, the thoughts and emotions get quieter, and I feel still and pleasant. It feels like the voice in my head has calmed down and lets me focus on the present moment, and the good feeling stays also after the session. During meditation I also get random flashbacks from long ago, about things I have not remembered for years. I think they get through because my current thoughts are not blocking them.

I know there are scientific studies about how meditation affects brains, but since I have not read them, I write just about my experiences. I am currently going through a life phase that is perfect for testing the philosophy of living in the moment. For a prolonged time I have been in complete uncertainty about my work, flat and even country of future residence. I feel often stressed, annoyed and lonely in the situation. It is hard to focus on what I am doing at the moment - on the work task, the climbing route, the discussion - when different scenarios and decisions about the future are occupying my mind. I have basically two simultaneous coping mechanisms: keep repeating positive facts to myself and face my feelings (also negative ones) through meditation. I do not know which one is better, and whether they are complimentary or contradicting.

Focused on the quickdraw

The main fact is that life is always unpredictable. One may feel a (false) sense of security when she has a permanent job, a house and a relationship. However, an accident, illness or death can change everything tomorrow. Possessions, people and plans can be lost in a second. Control over life is just an illusion. This is what I keep telling myself. I also remind myself of previous times, when I was traveling somewhere beautiful but worried about finding my next job, and each time for no reason as I always ended up successful. Looking back, I wish I had had more trust in the future working out itself. I can have that now. I can trust that things will be fine, even though I have no idea what I will do next month.

Repeating all that helps to some extent, but it remains on the surface of intellectual reasoning. It feels like I am plastering positive thoughts over underlying uneasiness that anyhow exists. When I have time to meditate, I face heads on my feelings of uncertainty and anxiousness, that somehow diminish at the point of accepting them. There are short moments, when I do not only understand but also internalize the unpredictability of future. Then I feel calm and content about living in the present and just observing as the future keeps revealing itself moment by moment.

Earlier I wrote a post about my mental goal, Freedom of Mind, and I think meditation is a tool towards realizing it. I cannot really explain it, but through meditation I have become at least a little bit more free from overwhelming feelings and fears about future suffering. Before, when something amazing or upsetting happened, I kept over-analyzing the situation and its impacts, until it occupied my whole mind. Now I can easier let go, not just by forcing my thoughts to go elsewhere, but by actually accepting that it just happened so. I no longer try to make sense of everything, firstly because it is simply impossible, but also because it does not really bring me anything. And I have a new goal; to learn yoga to further understand the link of body and mind. Maybe next month I will attend a yoga camp, maybe not, it is to be seen as it comes. 

The sparing lifestyle of a traveler

As usually, let's start with a definition: Going on a holiday and traveling are two different things. When one goes on a holiday, it is usually for a short period of time taken off from work. During traveling, one seldom knows for how long the trip will last and when s/he will be earning money again. This is an important factor in the traveler's mindset for budgeting and spending, both time and money wise. Some holiday-goers do not acknowledge this difference but think that travelers live like them on their trips, where they constantly pick most convinient options and treat themselves to luxuries. In this post I would like to explain about the monetary and time aspects of the traveling lifestyle, often called dirtbagging.

Sleeping at a random train station in India

During my travels I have either lived off my savings or worked as a digital nomand, in either case with a constrained budget. The key consideration is simply: The longer my money lasts, the longer I can keep traveling. As I usually travel for climbing, which is a free activity as opposed to sightseeing, shopping and bar hopping, my biggest two expenditures are logistics are lodging. Once I buy long-haul flights to another continent I stay there for several months, and locally I travel like locals, usually meaning over-crowded busses stopping at every village. Here the time aspect intertwines with the money aspect. Since I am on the way for months, I need not stress about loosing a couple of days on bus waiting, repair (crappy ones tend to break down) and spontanous retouring. Besides, these bus trips are great glimpses into local communities' lives! How in Uganda busses are not only for people but also for chickens, goats and any imaginable small animals, and how in Cambodia passengers enjoy watching local music videos (the corniest love stories I have ever seen) at bad quality on a tiny screen. There is no doubt that crossing India on a 30-hour-long train journey is way more memorable than flying, in addition to costing a fraction of it.

12 hour bus trip to South Tibet

Finding the right matatu in Uganda

While most holiday-goers expect beautiful rooms and extensive service in their hotels, and base their choices on online reviews, a dirtbag often tirelessly walks around to visit several hostels to negotiate for best on-spot prices. A price difference of a few euros is already a decision making factor. Even though I have spent weeks in rooms with paper thin walls, loud fans and cold showers, I cannot tolerate dirtiness or insects. I also want to feel safe, both sleeping at night and leaving my laptop at day. Hand in hand with accommodation comes eating. Local meals in Asia are Africa are cheap, but what costs is drinking. A proper coffee can cost more than a dinner. That is why I appreciate hostels with water boilers for the use of my own aeropress, or flexible restaurant workers who do not mind bringing me hot water and watching me entertain other guests with the (sometimes not so clean) coffee making process. Beer is naturally an unnecessity but it simply tastes so good after a climbing day, especially when consumed with a good crew. I must admit, that although I can resist buying fancy cocktails when meeting up with vacationing friends, I still drink beer on my travels.

Hot pot in Hong Kong

Breakfast in the Philippines

As one can already read between the lines, traveling cheaply requires preparation, self discipline and tolerance. It often takes time and skill to locate the cheapest options. For example, buying Thai train tickets directly at (often complicated) local websites avoids one paying provisions to service providers. Being able to figure such things out makes one feel smart and accomplished (in a life phase otherwise involving few intellectual challenges). So, a common misconception of dirtbags is that they do not care about money. I have never spent as much time talking about prices as I have done with fellow travelers. To some traveling cheaply becomes a game, a solemn goal rather than an enabler, in which one can excell to nearly over doing it. I have been left behind by a traveller friend, who found a cheap train only for himself and did not want to take a slightly more expensive bus in order to stick with me. Such people are happy to accept hospitability from locals and fellows, but reluctant to share anything of theirs. I must admit that towards the end of my last travels I was also in danger of becoming money-selfish.

Between travels I have lived normal working city life. Just like getting used to dirtbagging, returning to normality takes some adjusting. People may not understand you wanting to walk a few tram stops in order to avoid buying a ticket, or they look weirdly at you when you wrap side bread into a napkin to take it home (although I still do it for food waste reasons). However, having been a traveler has taught me to lead a sparing lifestyle also while working. Instead of eating in restaurants I invite friends over for a self-cooked dinner, I climb only at the gym where I have a membership and most importantly, I buy only what I really need (when it is on sale). After having managed a year of backpacking with only a couple of t-shirts and shorts, a too large wardrobe makes me confused. And in general, I have learned that I do not need to surround myself with things in order to feel satisfied. When I do not do it all the time, a cappucino in a cosy cafe or a new work outfit actually feels special rather than normal.

Irish coffee in the Netherlands

Cheap beers in Switzerland

Now I have lived in Zürich, one of the world's most expensive cities, for a year and half (with 4 months of travelling in between) and I am surely swissifying myself. Things that I previously left on the self, I consider "a deal" nowadays. I guess it is justified to live according to my current surroundings, to some standard. I spend most of my time working in the office (luckily in a job I really like) so I feel that I am entitled to living in a nice flat, buying quality groceries and once in a while going out. Also, because I spend a lot of time at work, I have less time for deal searching, inefficient travel connections and do-it-yourself solutions. However, at heart I am still a traveler, and maybe one day my sparing lifestyle will reward me with a flat ownership, or at least a van, or something I have yet no idea about...

What is freedom of mind?

I am privileged with many freedoms. I can express my opinion, travel, vote, work, be myself. All these rights are to some extent granted to me by external factors, such as my country of birth and economic opportunities. But there is one freedom - Freedom of Mind - that is up to me to either possess or miss. One can be locked into prison for life but still remain her mental composure. Or one can be given all the success and love in the world, and yet still lack presence of mind. If freedom of mind is just a mental state, available for everyone, why is it so hard to acquire? What is it actually?

When I left for travelling, I thought I was reaching a higher state of freedom. I was seemingly immune to the expectations of society, family and myself. I convinced myself I no longer cared about financial security, opinions of others or even a sense of belonging. I often asked myself one honest question: What do you want now to be happy? If it was traveling to a new destination, I did that. If it was staying somewhere, I did that. I learned to follow my instinctive desires, deal with uncertainty and make spontaneous, open-minded decisions. Compared to who I had been before traveling, I was indeed a freer person.

However, no matter what I was doing, I was not really in control of my mind. I was always pondering about the future and possible suffering. I could be at the most beautiful spot, together with people I liked, doing what I wanted, and yet still my thoughts would be racing; What will happen next? Will I lose this all? What if my plans fail? I was not fully enjoying the moment. I could not, and I never will be able to, control the future. Unexpected things - both good and bad - will keep happening without me planning them. The only thing I can control is my mind. I can either stick to living in the present, facing each experience as it comes, or let my mind run over hundreds of future scenarios.

I think deepest suffering does not come from failing to get a dream job or from performing badly in a sport (=climbing) - even though they are also serious issues - but from being abandoned by a loved one. The pain of parting with someone special, be it due to circumstances or lack of feelings, is so strong and sharp I never want to experience it again. In the end I would really want to build a life together with someone I love, but it would require me to accept the risk of suffering again. That is why it might be easier to just enjoy my nice life without daring to even try to get something I really want. But it would not be living with freedom. Instead I would be constrained by my mind.

In my opinion, freedom of mind is being able to have goals and follow dreams without fear of future suffering. Plans may very well change or fail on the way, and one should in any case stay flexible to alternations, but not going for them at all is weakness. Suffering can be an outcome of trying and one must accept it, but not fear it beforehand. It is pointless spending so much precious now-time to worrying about the future, that anyways is uncontrollable and unpredictable.

I want to keep my mind calm, open and focused. I want to stay relaxed and live in the moment. I want to be brave and try my best.