Home at Green Climbers

Now that I have been traveling for two months, I can admit that it has been almost entirely about climbing. I crossed the border to Laos two weeks ago and all I have seen is the Green Climbers Home (GCH) and its nearby town Thakhek. It was not my intention to only climb, but several factors made it the most appealing choice for me. Practically thinking, instead of constantly hauling my heavy backpack around it is easier to settle in one place for longer. And I like making friends with other climbers, as they have common interests, generally open attitude and good sense of humor.

Thakhek main street

Tuktuk between town and camp

Most importantly, climbing gives purpose to otherwise carefree traveling. While sightseeing is quite effortless, climbing requires physical condition and mental determination. Interestingly, now that I have no "real" worries about work, relationships or such, I have began to focus my goal-orientedness towards climbing. At the camp people only climb, eat, sleep and talk (about climbing). Therefore it is easy to start thinking that life equals climbing.

Green Climbers Home

Since I am an ambitious person I naturally want to get good at climbing, preferably now rather than later. I am bored of being the beginner, for whose projects strong climbers put quickdraws as their warmup. When I see beautiful lines beyond my current grade level, I get motivated to train harder so that later on I can hop on them. Besides, often hard routes have cleaner falls, thus making them less scary than easy routes. Taken these motives, I arrived to GCH with a goal to climb my first 6C. I literally cried after top roping a few 6Cs and realizing that I am just not yet skilled enough to lead them cleanly.

Those disappointments made me think about perfectionism. While more relaxed people can be satisfied after a couple of fun climbs, I can honestly say I had a good day only if I have given my 100% best on challenging routes. This is impossible on a daily basis, though, because for me climbing is still mostly about winning my fear and I do not have eternal mental capacity to push myself through scariness. After thinking this through, I decided to chill out a bit and keep on smiling - even though I climbed only mostly 6As. To say something performance-wise positive, I went on new 6Bs and tried to onsight them without knowing how they would be like; often taking a few falls but almost always finishing.

The roof

For some reason, fear of falling was a big topic of discussion at GCH. What I am experiencing - not daring to push through cruzes, climbing clumsily instead of concentrating on proper technic, getting disappointed when giving up - is common amongst many people. Also strong climbers get scared but they psych themselves to stay calm, for their willpower to succeed exceeds their fear. What helps me to climb more relaxedly and enjoy it, is repeatedly taking practice falls; on safe routes, when I feel stressed on a weird move I just let go to experience the fall. Scariness often results from unknown, so the more I fall the safer I feel. I believe I can become an OK climber if I manage to overcome the fear barrier, which is a gradual process I keep working on.

Safely sitting on a tufa to clip ;) 

From Laos I am heading to Cambodia. It is finally time to take a break from climbing and just be a tourist. In addition to improving in my main sport, this climbing psychology thinking has helped me to identify my personality also in a wider perspective; I must be engaged in some productive activity and set goals to achieve - but I need not perform at my maximum all the time.

About doing the right thing

I am alone. But I cannot move because I am stuck in a tight crowd of people. I am spending the New Years Eve on my own in Bangkok; I observe how neatly thousands of people queue to go see the fireworks, what they do through their smart phone cameras. I have not got any new years resolutions in my mind. Except for maybe one thing that I have been thinking about lately: Doing the right thing. Universally.

New Year's dinner

 I never break the law, but sometimes I knowingly make ethically wrong choices. For example, I may kiss a guy who has got a girlfriend. I have never met the girl, so she is just a stranger over whose happiness I have no responsibility. You may ask why I do so if I know it is not good. Well, simply because it gives me immediate wellness. Besides it is him cheating, not me.

After a while I am not very satisfied, though. I can tell myself that everyone does the same and it is not impacting anyone in my circles. However, if you scale up you can see that universally I am doing the wrong thing. What I am doing is hurting someone: the girlfriend who I do not know and who does not know me. If you think about the big picture, there would be no such wrongfulness – either towards others or yourself – if everyone considered everyone regardless of knowing them. If I thought about the girlfriend's feelings, there would be one less unhappy person around.

Additionally, when you do wrong together with someone else you learn to know that s/he is not ethically strong, either. In other circumstances s/he could do the same to you if s/he got immediate benefit of it. This thinking applies to other minor wrongfulness, too, like speaking negatives behind one's back, taking credit for someone else's work or blaming another one for your own mistakes.

In the long run I want to feel dignity over my actions, no matter if anyone I know gets angry at me. I want to be proudly above unethical people – to do the right thing for the universal sake of it, not for the fear of punishment. Still, to be an honest person, I do not make a new years resolution about this. I know I will occasionally keep doing the wrong thing, but I promise to at least consider its universal impacts.

A wrong thing to do

Tonsai memorial

It was easy to see that Tonsai has passed its golden days as climbers' paradise. Most seafront restaurants have been burnt down to be replaced by a luxury resort, and at the moment their previous area is a smelling garbage dump. Bungalows and few remaining chillout bars are situated by the main street further inland, where it is possible to imagine Tonsai's old glory.

This used to be seafront bars

But no worries, my stay in Tonsai was saved by the company of two awesome Swiss. It was discovered that Chang beer is the recommended choice for good headaches, mushroom shake makes one operate sharply and push-and-pull top roping is the right climbing technique. Then there were characteristic cats; the tree climbing cat and the stoned cat were our favorites. Also, having a shower can be truly appreciated only after getting completely covered in sweat, sand, chalk and mosquito repellent.

Climbing in Tonsai was contradicting. First I could happily lead flash a 6B and then jump to another 6B right next to it, just to badly fail on it with top rope. Yet still I climbed my first clean 6B+ routes there. Luckily there is CROSSFIT! It enables everything and helps to improve in climbing, approximately by one grade per day.

Yes, I am finish.

Crossfit belaying

Stoned cat

Traveling and/or/versus working

"What the fuck am I doing? I have no home. I have no job. Does that mean I have no future?" Sometimes when I am not busy I stop and think about how confused I am. This is the first time in my life that I have not got a set plan to follow. Sure, the rough plan is to keep on traveling until I find a job somewhere and then make myself a home there. But for how long does it take until I find a job? What and where will it be? Essentially, will I ever even find any satisfying work?

Some people expect me to stop traveling and return to normal life. Without asking from me, they assume I would be happy if I just got another well-paying job, stable property and family. Or maybe they do not really think about my happiness, but conservatively want me to be like everyone else. Usually I am able to ignore upsetting comments if I know they are not valid. This time I cannot entirely do it, though, because I am not hundred percent sure about it.

I have had good conversations with other travelers. In general, they seem more relaxed, joyful and open than normal people. I notice less "what-if" and "then-when" type of thinking but they seek to be happy in present moment. I think less travelers will regret their journeys than normal people will regret not having realized their dreams. It is comforting to know that many others have made the same choice as me and they are doing well. It seems that the longer they have traveled the less troubled they are with similar career pressures to mine.

After all, money matters. Not even the cheapest living traveler can survive without sufficient funds. It seems that most travelers do seasonal jobs, which are easy to get and quit. Academic jobs are different. They have demanding application processes and they are expected to last for years. Organizations employing academic professionals require commitment, so having a long travel gap in my CV might decrease my employment chances.

At this stage, I cannot make such a big decision as to abandon my academic career. I enjoy intellectual challenges and I am too ambitious to stop trying to yet achieve new skills. After quitting my IT job I have done research to figure out what kinds of career profiles exist that might interest me. So far my list of key words is the following: impact sector, developing countries, climate change, economic development, consulting, project management. I have applied to interesting sounding jobs in Europe and Asia, but I fear I cannot beat the touch competition for them.

If I could define the optimal plan, I would travel for a few more months and then start a job in some new country (not Finland). For me the content of the work is more important than its location, so I consider the whole world as my job market. Naturally I do not always get exactly what I plan, but I must be flexible to temporarily adapt to less optimal situations until I can change them for better. Maybe I will get a temporary job to refill my CV for a while, and then go on traveling again.

Anyways, I am getting increasingly motivated to spend quiet days with my computer to write job applications. It gives me a sense of control over my life. "Maybe I have some idea about what I am doing; I am partly aimlessly drifting from one thing to another, partly determinedly building my future. Doubtlessly I am doing the right thing for me."

My Chiang Mai office

White water kayaking at Mae Taeng River

Adventure climbing

As much as it is possible to call sport climbing adventurous, I think we did a pretty good job on finding some unexploited crags in Northern Thailand. After climbing some days at Crazy Horse Buttress near the tourist-hub city of Chiang Mai, we decided to go in search for new climbing sectors recently bolted by local people. We were supplied with a hand-drawn map of the area, as well as some rough topos, which we soon found out to be quite incorrect. 

My partner-in-crime was Jedy, with whom we used to be colleagues before leaving the company. (Yep, once we even talked about our previous work projects between climbs.) We rented a motorbike and drove up to Chiang Dao, an ordinary small town surrounded by beautiful mountains. Having picked the cheapest guesthouse available, we slept on the floor and were served by its charismatic owner when ever she felt like being serviceable.

Guest house terrace evening view

The climbing sectors are located right next to crop fields, so local farmers helpfully pointed us to paths leading to the cliffs. Had we had machetes to cut off sticky spiky plants from our way, would we have ended up with less scratches and torn pants. However, the stunning scenery and excellent routes made it worth the trip! Having very little information about the rarely climbed routes, Jedy set out to explore them; estimate grades and safety, look out for wasps/spiders/lizards/flying ants (found all of them!), and on one route to drop down a plate-sized stone right next to my head.

Dense approach path

My star moment was climbing my first clean 6B. For the first time at outdoor leading I dared to climb at my true skill level, which was a mental victory for me. I would not have done without Jedy, who kept on encouraging me. Having a reliable and committed belayer has a notable part in successful climbing, as at all times the climber must feel that s/he is there for you. For me it is especially important to build a good relationship with my belayer and take test falls on him/her. Taken that, it is a bit frustrating to keep changing belayers as I travel to new places.

The long and technical 6B route

(Expensive) sparkling wine to celebrate!

One day we were joined by three more friends to hike up to Doi Luang Chiang Dao, which is Thailand's third highest peak at 2225m. We managed to avoid hiring a guide, so we simply followed this clean path revealing us lush views over the mountains, colorful butterflies and rare flowers. It was enjoyable times indeed, and the next day we visited Chiang Dao caves, that form long tunnels with narrow bottlenecks and wide chambers underground. There we got to see animals of darkness, such as pats and spiders.

Pre-hike hotpot dinner

Nap at the top

Buddhist cave decorations